After a lot of heartache and mourning of my marriage, lost friendships and losing myself somewhere along the way..After many sleepless nights, crying, throwing things, burning pictures, more crying and praying... I've finally figured out that I AM OKAY. The things that happened to me, the things I have been through, don't solely define who I am. They help me grow into a stronger, more determined me. I'm more self aware. I learned that I can do it on my own without someone else. Without someone laying beside me every night. And it's okay to be single and making your own way. So, i've conquered most of my fears. I learned my ex husband was not the only man out there.. and damn sure not even close to one of the good ones. I've met some amazing people. Very good men. Most with no connection whatsoever, but it helped me "see" the light.. sort of speak.
It's amazing how you can change into someone you never thought you could be. From a very shattered, lost and confused person to a strong, independent woman with confidence and a little fire in her. I don't miss the shattered and lonely woman I saw in the mirror for so long. For a long time I couldn't recognize the reflection looking back at me. Now, although I still have things to work on, I'm happy and content with how far I have come because I know it's only going to get better from here. I'm looking for to the even better days.
I think I've realized more in the past 3 or 4 months how much I've changed with getting my own place and being able to stay here. No longer bouncing around from one place to the next. It has not been easy and I have just enough to get by.. but *I* am getting by. That is what matters to me. Great sense of accomplishment and independence. It was a very big deal to prove to myself that I could make it on my own. And I am doing just that.
I've also realized that had I stayed in those lost friendships, I'd be in a completely different place in my life. And it's a blessing in diguise I think that all this has happened. Sometimes you just have to walk your own path. Sometimes you have to embrace the bad to get to the really good part.
I don't make all the right decisions. I'm still learning who I am and where I want to be. Learning to grow. Learning to open up to new people and new things. Trying to embrace the things that come my way. Trying to hold on to what is important to me. Holding onto the amazing people that have made a difference in my life.