It's another late night and I'm sitting here wondering where life goes next. I stay up because I can't sleep or because I know the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner the next day comes. Most of the time, I wonder how you can be so self aware and still be in a very dark place that you can't get out of. Being aware that you're stepping in dangerous territory and where that road leads. But being unable to pull yourself away.
There were times when I would never ask for help or even let on that I needed help. I finally realized that everyone needs help sometimes. Now I'm left wondering why people brush things off so easily when you put yourself out there. Hoping that someone will give you something to help get you out of this place. Not knowing yourself what exactly you need, only knowing that you do need something. It all makes me wonder what it takes for people to really see, to really understand. Maybe someone else can't understand. Can't grasp what other people are feeling or what they are needing. Or maybe they give you more credit than you deserve Maybe they think you are stronger than you really are.
I guess it's hard to tell. How do you help someone that doesn't know how to help theirself? What do you do when you cry for help but noone answers?
What do you do when you feel like you can't breathe? And no matter what you do, you're always running from something. Something you can't see, you can only feel. How much can one person endure before they break? How do you escape the darkness, the loneliness, the fear?
Maybe I'll never know. Maybe there's no answer to any of this.